What do a law exam, a divorce, and a pole in a European nightclub have in common? For Zalak Raval, they collided at 10:15 pm on May 28, 2018 and sparked a full-blown existential crisis (sequins included). In this raw, unexpectedly funny, deeply insightful, and vividly animated TEDx Talk, Zalak shares the moment her unconscious took center stage and demanded better choreography. That night marked the start of her unlearning: the hidden patterns scripting her relationships, steering her choices, and shrinking her sense of self. Somewhere between heartbreak and a quote from Carl Jung—“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate”—everything began to shift. With humor and clarity, Zalak reveals how early emotional bonds shape how we love, attach, focus our attention, and repeat painful patterns. What we call “normal” is often just unconscious programming—and rewriting it takes discipline. She shares three transformative tools: understanding your “normal,” catching and redirecting harmful thoughts, and slowing down to take back control/to create space for a passionate life. Watch now to laugh, reflect, and catch your unconscious doing cartwheels—because it’s one thing to find yourself upside down on a pole… it’s another to know you chose to be there. At 27, Zalak felt lost. A series of personal and professional failures stripped her back to the bone. She could not understand why her life felt so directionless and hollow. However, then a chance moment in a Denmark nightclub made the invisible – visible. The journey from that moment to a life following her passion inspired her to share her experience, helping others struggling with identity, direction, and discipline. She wrote her first book in 2024, ‘50 Shades of Shit: How to Unlearn and Re-wire our Unconscious’, a blend of philosophy, practical tools and painfully funny true stories. When she is not delving into unpacking the subconscious, Zalak practices Corporate Securities law as a Senior Associate at a law firm. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx
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